I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
