I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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