I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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