i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someone came in the potted fern
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
