So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
