Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
