After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
