How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
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