so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
