Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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