you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
