do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
