I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
