do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
