So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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