A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
