Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
