everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
