I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
