haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
