omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
