So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
