if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
