everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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