Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
