but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
