this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
