He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
