I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
