It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
