Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
