I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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