it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
