I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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