I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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