hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
