the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
