She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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