it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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