Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
time to smoke my breakfast
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
