I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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