dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
