Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
