Are we in a gay sports bar?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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