That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
