would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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