woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
