i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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