whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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