Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
