I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
