What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
