So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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