Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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